Someone left I’m a Celebrity… Joe Bugner went in… Kim had a menopausal moment and blah blah blah…

All of this pales into insignificance when you consider that last night’s I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! invented a new type of porn.

Most adult movies deal in degradation these days. Whole clusters of well-wanged blokes stood around some lass, giving her a viscous shower… or someone crying while they defecate into a tin bucket while some old fella yanks himself into a eye-rolling foam… or that one with a lady dressed up as E.T. - it’s all there if you search for it.

Yet, even the most filthy minded sorts who are into the most dreadful and niche interests must get bored, right? At some point, like normal sex, the whole process surely becomes a little passé?

Well, last night, they must have been hopping from foot-to-foot, hoping that their member may accidentally swing right up their arse because in Katie Price’s bushtucker trial, we saw triple X action of the most weird and degraded level… and it was on ITV1 just after the watershed!

Y’see, Katie Price/Jordan/Peter Andre Tear Provoker was asked to enter a giant bottle filled with insects. As it turned, the insect fell about her, dropping into her mouth while she grunted and writhed.

The cameramen and producers, not to miss a trick, felt it necessary to zoom in on Price’s ample cleavage and, even more surprisingly, got quite close to her… ‘front garden’. It wasn’t to difficult to imagine a load of mucky blokes from Walsall stood around the thing pulling themselves off like futuristic doggers.

On emerging from said giganto-bottle, we were then treated to Price getting down to her smalls and thrashing the bugs out from between her baps. Even One Of Ant and Dec had the cheek to quip: “We’re not complaining!”

That wasn’t all. A second live trial saw Price once again embroiled in some niche porn. She gagged and blubbled in some gloop, which sounded like the wrongest fellatio in recorded history… only to then jump in a hot-tub full of grinning Cayman. By the close of the second bushtuck, she was once again stripping off and flicking goo and dead maggots off her weird blow-up body, leaving half a dozen viewers in raptures and they slapped themselves unconscious at the thrill of a new niche arousal.

Of course, this new grud-stiffener needs a name. For the moment, I’m going for Pukkake -with the emphasis on the ‘puke’. So well done ITV1. You’ve reached a new low. I have to blame you… because the only other person I can blame is… *points at self*… and that won’t do at all.

[Originally posted on TVThrong, but added here just in case it gets taken down]

Okay. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to have been waiting for me to write on this terminally unpopular personal blog, I’m sorry. To say I’ve been slack is something of an understatement.

However, this doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. See, I write loads of words for other people and sometimes, I just have nothing left to say in a day on here. As such, here’s a bunch of URLs where you can find my work.

Here’s stuff I write about TV. And here is somewhere else I write about TV. Here’s where I write about music. Here’s where I’m nasty about finance people and junk. Lastly, celebrity gunk.

Official press release:

BBC, ITV and Sky have today written to the leaders of the Labour, Conservative and Liberal Democrat parties with a joint proposal for three live televised debates during the next general election campaign.

The individual broadcasters would be responsible for producing and broadcasting one debate each between all three party leaders. Each of the three debates would be transmitted live by the originating broadcaster in peak time and made available to all other British broadcasters subsequently.

The broadcasters have formed a joint team to discuss detailed plans with the political parties. Each of the broadcasters will seek to make suitable arrangements for ensuring due impartiality across the UK.

ACE! British TV to have those thrilling, crass and brilliant live debates like the Americans get in the presidential elections!

The TED seminars are the place where all the brainy types gather to talk about the future and big ideas and all that good stuff. I got mentioned by one of the speakers.

So I’m a clever sort… one to watch out for the future right?

Well. No.

Basically, a mate of mine who was there told me that they were screening a live Tweet feed of the hashtag #TEDxMan. I thought I’d be a bit naughty and send a load of pointless drivel it’s way. I didn’t know it was being shown in the auditorium.

I Tweeted:

#TEDxMan They’ve changed the sign outside the venue. Apparently you’re all at the Tory Party conference. You saps.

#TEDxMan As someone who has the real name of Theodore Xavier Man, this hashtag is very confusing for me.

#TEDxMan One of you will be offered as a sacrifice to a false god in the second half of the show.

However, the one that got noticed was the distinctly not-witty and Wayne’s World referencing: #TEDxMan The next person on stage blows goats. I have proof.

As a result, some speaker guy said: my behaviour was an example of a “Ludinous activity transcending into full play.”

In essence, I’m a tool. RESULT!

Here’s some more photos that @CheShA and @mckjerral took.

http://twitpic.com/jz5j1

http://twitpic.com/jyf43

http://www.mobypicture.com/user/CheShA/view/5551546

Oh dear. Oh dear.

Whoopi has weird views on the whole Polanski rape thing.

Click here to read more.

[viaMissCay]