Mof Gimmers

Hi. I’m Mof. I’m no longer a teenager. I’m not even in my twenties. Being on Tumblr, and being neither a teen nor a twentysomething, this makes me feel like some kind of wretched, hand-wringing child-snatcher in his mucky overcoat frightening the young people in the yard.

I’m not quite sure why this is the case, given that the internet is a revolving door and anyone’s allowed in. Still, while I watch the youthful wails of Tumblrists, I get a reminder of how awful/brilliant I was/my peers were when I was younger.

So cocksure. So vain. So desperate to mark themselves out from the rest of the pack by being weirder, more introvert, more opinionated, more Into That Thing Some People Are Into. It’s fun. Of course, with me being 33, young readers (inevitably ignoring this because they’ve had to actually read something as opposed to simply stare at some gif) won’t know that all those feelings you have… those feelings of disenfranchisement, that confused knot of worth in your stomach, that unswerving vanity… IT NEVER GOES AWAY. Poor things. They’ll be yearning for a solution to a vague question, when really, they’re gliding toward something else entirely. Basically, the older you get, the better you are in the sack. Alas, the better you are at sex, the more infirm you become. Bitch ain’t it?